lost

dear lost producers/
i hate you. please choke on balls/
stop making me sad

dear mcdonalds, you broke my heart

my egg mcmuffin?/
it's a sausage barf biscuit!/
rather be hungry

it's almost may! get a clue!

met my snow quota/
what the hell utah weather!?/
stop effin around

lost-less tuesday

tuesday. lost repeat/
what to do? now what to do?!/
maybe i'll just drink

hey! i took an existentialism class and it ruined my life

my nihilistic/
world. everything's worthless/
existential angst

busy weekend planned

busy moving shit/
this busy busy weekend/
no hiking for me

emo

relentless lameness
emo, worthless, sad, cranky
need some sunshine please

it's tuesday!!!

well, tuesday is here
wow! guess what? new day, same shit!!
congratulations!!

bitter school haiku

never ending debt
add insult to injury
my useless degree

fast track to apathy-ville

kill gems. bejeweled
i'm consistently awesome
i need new talents

sunshine and blue skies and light wind out of the west

tentative hike planned
tiny fresh leaves peek out, say
"ha ha not for you"

no energy crisis or climate change or pollution! YAY!

if generators
could turn crankiness into energy,
I'd get one, be rich

stir crazy cooped up inside the office girl

the muddy trails
say no hiking, too yucky
no rain or snow please!

the bureaucracy, or as I now like to say, the bureaucrappy

the bureaucrappy....
how does anything get done?
screw you and your forms

snowy mess

squishy snow and mud
no hiking till it dries out
please work faster sun!

hello monday

i'm surviving life
not flourishing, no growing
full of self loathing

sunday

good bye, dear weekend
staff meeting tomorrow, sigh
hope i can survive

friday morning walk

gorgeous morning walk
the worst idea ever
work sucks even more

give a shit quota
met and exceeded today
and tomorrow too

i hate everybody

my heart is so full!
of what you ask? ANNOYANCE!
and misanthropy

puppies

five more weeks to wait
but i want my puppy now!
please go faster time!

welcome to monday

my evil snores
cuddled into your left ear
steal your blankets too

(sorry honey, I couldn't help myself from writing you a cranky haiku)

Advertising fail

Luke Wilson's shit ads
should have been paid for by sprint.
No AT&T!

snow

unimpressed by snow
not nice, it isn't pretty
it's cold, wet garbage

spring time?! really?

snow on my glasses
i had to go find my scarf
what the hell spring time?!

migraine

the migraine fairy...
is a little bitch
i hope i don't barf

jonesing for some sugar

want to eat skittles
but high fructose corn syrup
will kill me stone dead

monday

monday inventor
it's a good thing you are dead
cuz i would kill you

(And I'm only assuming whoever invented Mondays is dead because we've had Mondays for a long, long time)

this happens on friday... a lot

a wrinkle in time
physical laws are broken
the clock stopped moving

Here are some job related haikus I wrote yesterday

whoever told me
education opens doors
had a real degree

thirty resumes
you would think would be enough
guess what. you are wrong

spring sunshine mocks me
"marketable degree, ass"
I weep and agree

princess cranky pants
filled with urgh and self loathing
writes bitter haikus

Thoreau watched ants
total hippie, got a book deal
now i want a pond

would join the circus
if clowns weren't so satanic.
maybe for the best

welcome to cranky haikus

my cranky haikus
a coping mechanism
to laugh, not freak out

Haikus have long been my favorite way to encompass crankiness in pithy awesomeness. Because if you can laugh, or at least scoff, or at least talk shit on a problem, it's a little more helpful than crying about it.